Leaving Heterosexual Relationships

Feelings of guilt

It is common for the lesbian or gay parent to feel guilty about splitting up the relationship and about the possible impact on the children of having a gay parent. However, in the long term, having a parent who is true to themselves is likely to be better for children. Also, although children may face prejudice, they are usually able to be selective about who they tell about their family situation.

It is important not to let guilt affect your negotiations with your partner, since doing so may disadvantage your children.

Housing

Because of the guilt factor, there is a particular risk that the lesbian or gay partner may feel under pressure to be the one who leaves the shared home. This potentially may cause difficulties in sustaining contact with children and, for a woman, can also lead to loss of Child Benefit, which has serious consequences for her benefits (lose entitlement to Income Support) and for maintenance (become liable for maintenance). It is worth considering that statistically men are more likely to repartner more quickly than women. Therefore if the woman can afford to stay in the home, this may offer more stability for the children.

Legal Advice

It is strongly recommended that legal advice is sought before any informal agreements are made. Any solicitor experienced in Family Law should be able to assist, though if there are disputes about parental rights it may be helpful to check whether the solicitor has experience of lesbian or gay issues.

Further information:

Adviceguide Scotland - information on ending a relationship from Citizens Advice Bureau.

Lesbian Mothers Scotland - a network for Lesbian parents, with various groups throughout Scotland.

Gay Dads Scotland - advice and support for gay dads.

Pink Parents - information and support for lesbian and gay parents.