Parenting Issues

Residence and contact

Lesbian and gay parents may be apprehensive about the implications of their sexuality for residence or contact. Keep in mind that couples who are splitting up are expected to make their own arrangements for their children where possible, or to seek assistance through mediation, rather than going through the courts. Residence and contact orders by the Courts are awarded only when the parents are unable to reach an agreement themselves or through mediation.

Gay and lesbian couples seeking legal parenting arrangements together must go through the courts. Residence and contact are awarded on a case-by-case basis by a local Sheriff, and the attitudes of Sheriffs can vary: in one case a Glasgow Sheriff refused an application for parental rights from a lesbian partner, claiming that a lesbian couple is not a family unit, but an Edinburgh Sheriff granted such rights to a partner in a similar case.

It is strongly recommended that a Family Law solicitor be consulted for specific legal advice before finalising any informal agreements.

Coming out to the children

One of the hardest decisions for many lesbian and gay parents is how and when to come out to their children, especially if the parent has been living in a heterosexual relationship. The greatest fear that a parent has is that their child will reject them. When the attitude of the other parent is hostile, there is the additional fear that he or she may try to turn the children against the lesbian or gay parent. These fears often cause a parent to delay coming out, yet it can be a much more upsetting for children if they find out accidentally or from someone else.

It can be helpful to seek advice and support from other parents who have gone through similar experiences. Local groups exist throughout Scotland, as well as helplines that provide one-to-one support.

Bullying

Children of gay or lesbian parents may experience homophobic bullying by their peers. The Scottish Executive has produced two booklets - Let's Stop Bullying: Advice for Parents and Families and Let's Stop Bullying: Advice for Young People - that offer information and advice to those experiencing bullying.

Advice and support are also available from local groups and helplines, many of which are listed below.

Further information:

Parentline Scotland - downloadable factsheets on parenting issues. The free, confidential helpline for parents is open 9am-5pm (Monday, Wednesday & Friday) and 9am-9pm (Tuesday & Thursday), on 0808 800 2222.

Childline Scotland - offers online help and advice to children on a variety of issues. The free, confidential helpline for children is open 24 hours, on 0800 1111.

Parental Responsibility and Residence - information for gay and lesbian parents from Stonewall.

Scotsgay Magazine - information for the gay and lesbian community in Scotland, including listings for local groups and helplines that parents may find useful.

Scottish Anti-Bullying Network - website devoted to information and advice on all aspects of bullying, including information about homophobic bullying. The Anti-Bullying Network also operates a telephone information line during school term time, Monday to Friday 9.30am-12.30pm and 2pm-4.30pm, on 0131 651 6100.

Homophobic Bullying - information and links from Pink Parents UK